Saving Myself from the Ruin
by ournoisyhearts
Summary: The line between fascination and attachment slowly begins to blur, until Nick isn't quite sure what he's doing anymore. Part 3 of the Nick!POV 'verse. A dash of Seblaine and Nickbastian.


**Saving Myself from the Ruin**

_I know you care  
I see it in the way you stare  
As if there was trouble ahead and you knew it_

* * *

There are days when Nick thinks he might be a little bit in love with Sebastian.

He'll find his body growing warm as their fingers brush when Nick passes him an apple each lunch period (because Sebastian is far too skinny, and Nick has made it his personal job to force him to eat). He'll stare at the freckles dotting the bridge of Sebastian's nose, and picture what it would be like to kiss them. His stomach will twist painfully whenever Sebastian falls asleep over his desk, head resting crookedly against his economics textbook and mouth agape.

These are the moments when Nick thinks back to the question Jeff had asked him weeks ago, carefully reassessing his answer.

_Do you like him?__  
_  
Sebastian has a habit of taking Nick's things. Just a few days ago, Nick had been furiously digging through his closet for his favorite knit cap since Trent had insisted they venture out in the below-freezing weather to go sledding ("c'mon, Nicky, we've only got one more year until we're adults. Make the most of it!") He had been just about ready to give up and resort to the wind chilling his ears when Sebastian had stumbled in, Nick's beanie pulled down over the top of his head.

"Sorry," he'd muttered, tugging the hat off and tossing it at Nick. "I had to run and drop off a paper with Mr. Herman, and it's fucking cold outside."

Nick had nodded dumbly in response, his mind still stuck on the image of Sebastian wearing his cap, hair sticking out from beneath the edges and nose red from the cold.

It was a bit distracting.

Sebastian also tends to read aloud to himself, and his utterances of passages from _The Count of Monte Cristo _have more than once left Nick feeling outside of himself, leaning closer unconsciously to get a better listen. His roommate has a voice unlike anything, low and smooth in a way that runs over him like cool water. It's nearly pathetic, the reaction Nick has whenever Sebastian speaks.

So yes, it's possible that Nick is...infatuated.

He tries not to be. He attempts to distract himself with schoolwork, with college applications and Warblers rehearsals, but Sebastian is always right there in his peripheral, unknowingly begging for his attention. Nick's casual observations have quickly developed into full-fledged obsession, and he doesn't quite know what to do because all Sebastian really needs right now is someone who _understands._

And Nick knows that he can understand, that he does, but he's suddenly afraid to get too close.

They don't talk much after that night in the dorm room. Nick does his best to avoid being in close proximity to the other boy, and sticks to merely watching, hesitant to actually talk with Sebastian in fear of growing more attached.

Three weeks later, things change.

Jeff finds him in the library, bent over his physics homework as he tries desperately to decipher a velocity problem. The end of his pencil is between his teeth, a bad habit Nick has suffered from since elementary school, and the metal around the eraser has marks in it from his incessant chewing. When Jeff drops into the chair across from him, Nick startles and lifts his head, the pencil falling limp between his fingers.

"Jeff?" Nick questions.

"Blaine's coming to visit," his friend responds quickly, and Nick's entire mind goes blank.

_Oh._

Some part of his chest constricts, and he blinks, forcing himself to remain calm and ignore the way his thoughts immediately jump to _Sebastian. _If Blaine is coming to Dalton, it's no doubt to spend time with the Warblers, and that would include Sebastian. Sebastian, who cries himself to sleep at night and hates himself everyday because of what he's done to Blaine.

This isn't going to end well.

"Why are you telling me this?" Nick asks quietly, and the way Jeff's eyes narrow before he silently pushes away from the table and leaves is the only answer Nick needs.

* * *

"Dammit, Smythe, how many times do I have to tell you? Turn to the _right_ on the fourth count-"

"Am I interrupting something?"

Hunter's rant cuts off almost instantly, and every head in the room turns to the doorway, where Blaine is standing, hands tucked into his trouser pockets and a nervous smile on his face. Nick's stomach plummets to his feet, and he quickly tunes out the rest of the guys as they call out excitedly and rush forward to greet Blaine in favor of glancing over at Sebastian.

He had seemed calm enough when Hunter had been criticizing him seconds before, but now, the tension in his body is obvious. He stands rigidly, shoulders coiled and face absolutely stoic, and Nick is overcome by the urge to reach out for him, but it wouldn't do any good. All he can do is watch pathetically, like he always does, and prepare himself for the aftermath.

What he isn't prepared for, however, is for Blaine to eventually distance himself from the rest of the Warblers a few minutes later and wander over to where Sebastian is seated precariously by the window. Nick stares with bated breath as Sebastian's head jerks up, the surprise evident on his face, and his eyes zero in on Blaine when he begins to speak in a low voice. To anyone else, Sebastian's body language and facial expression would give nothing away, but Nick can see the faint glint of hope that flashes in his eyes even from across the room.

He almost expects a bout of jealousy to hit him, and he waits, but it never comes.

Not in love with Sebastian, then?

By the time his attention returns to the two boys in the corner, Blaine has seated himself at Sebastian's side and is grinning weakly at whatever the other boy is saying. Sebastian's entire demeanor has changed, his mouth upturned into the tiniest smile and posture relaxed. When he makes a particularly entertaining comment, Blaine tosses his head back and laughs, loud and bright, and Sebastian ducks his head in a shy sort of satisfaction. Nick's attention is locked in on the two, his shock overwhelming him into remaining frozen in place as he watches this new version of Sebastian.

Nick knows how Sebastian feels about Blaine. Has known for ages, in fact. But it's different to witness it in person, the change Blaine sparks in his roommate. How carefree Sebastian seems, his gaze focused solely on Blaine, his only goal to keep the other boy close by.

And Nick desperately wants Blaine to feel the same.

He wants Blaine to make Sebastian happy.

He wants Sebastian to just _be_ happy.

"Nick," mumbles Jeff, a hand touching his elbow and pulling his attention away from the pair. "We should leave them be."

As he peers up at his best friend, ready to protest, their eyes catch, and he suddenly understands. He knows what Jeff is doing; knows that Blaine's presence is no accident.

They quietly exit the common room, and he mentally thanks Jeff, shooting one final look back at Sebastian over his shoulder.

Which is the moment when Sebastian's head lifts, their gazes meeting for a split second before he smiles,_ really_ smiles. At Nick.

All of the pieces finally slot into place.

* * *

That night, Sebastian doesn't cry.

He returns to the dorm late enough that Nick is already in bed, curled up with his back to the room and the blankets drawn over his head. The door opens, and the sliver of light that enters hits Nick's eyes and startles him back into semi-consciousness, his eyelids fluttering open halfway. Sebastian carefully shuts the door behind him a moment later, and Nick slowly turns over, tracks his progress across the room as he hangs up his blazer and unwinds the tie from around his neck, a soft scuffing noise just audible as he kicks off his shoes. Nick is completely awake now, and he's dying to ask his roommate where he was and who he was with and what they spoke about, but he's pretty sure that he knows the answers to all of those questions already and that asking would be futile.

So he simply watches.

Sebastian quickly changes into his sweats and is then moving to his own bed, depositing himself onto the mattress and immediately rolling onto his back. Nick rotates onto his side and stares absently, a small part of him waiting for the inevitable moment when Sebastian turns away and attempts to muffle his sobs.

But it never comes.

"I feel like I should thank you," his roommate says instead, and Nick's breath catches in his throat. He stays quiet, hardly daring to fidget as he listens, rapt, to Sebastian's words.

"I don't like pity. I've never been the kind of person to accept help from someone else...and yeah, I know that's exactly what you've been doing. Trying to help. At first, I told myself, 'if Duval wants to waste his time on a lost cause, then so be it.' But now...it's kind of nice, you know? To have someone who cares."

Sebastian's voice is hushed, and by the time he finishes speaking, Nick's own skin feels uncomfortably tight. He wants to reply, say _something,_ but his thoughts aren't cooperating.

Sebastian senses his dilemma.

"It's not a big deal. Like I said, I really just wanted you to know that...I appreciate it. So yeah." Nick sees his head turn slightly, their eyes finding each other in the darkness, and he has to swallow thickly to keep himself in check. He hadn't expected this. Not now, not ever, and he's not sure where to go from here, what this means.

They lapse into silence, and a long few minutes pass. Nick doesn't know whether his roommate is even still awake, but he finds himself chewing on his bottom lip before he manages to murmur, "Sebastian?"

The mentioned boy hums groggily in response, answering, "yeah?"

Nick may be in love with Sebastian, or he may not. He has no idea how he feels or what they're even doing, what his roommate is thinking.

But he'd like to find out.

"You're welcome."

* * *

**This became a lot more Nickbastian-esque than Seblaine, despite the ending. So for that, I'm sorry, I guess? This 'verse just kind of does whatever it wants to. I can't control it anymore.**


End file.
